0 We end up doing what is designed for us

_1.7.2021_ Nature has designed us to behave according to the nature. Women behave as women and men behave as men. Shall we behave differently? The behavior of man and woman can be designed or manipulated. How people behave on social media is not surprising because it is designed like that. It's designed to make people addicted. People think that they think and behave independently out of their free will. They don't. They don't even realize that their behavior is being manipulated by some companies, algorithms, or even environments. I want to get married because my biology, my culture, people around me, design this unconsciously. Nothing I do is truly my own decision free from others influences. No action is uncaused. In this sense free will is just illusion. Actually I have very little power to change anything. Even if I change something, will I be happier? To change the behavior, we have to change the environment. At night peope behave differently from at day. Being alone, people behave differently from being with a lot of people. Mostly, people are not aware of their behavior. Therefore, it's easily manipulated and influenced by others. Not only behavior, even what so-called self is merely a pattern that can be altered by design. I can change my behavior and action according to my design. It's not impossible at all. If I want to be smart or wise I can read every day. If I want to have strong body, I can exercise every day. If I want to be rich, I can work as hard as possible every day. It's simple. The problem is that I compete with other entity, company, other people, religion, culture, and so on. They have their own design upon me. If I use Facebook for hours, I have fallen into Facebook's design. If I behave religiously or if I follow the government order to have vaccine for example, I've fallen to their design as well. Do they really care about me? Not particularly. I'm nothing special for them, merely a very little part of their grand design. No one will ever value me higher than myself. So I must put a high value to my time and stick on that. The irony of life is that I can't even control myself. I don't often do what I know is the best to do. I often ask, where is my self-control, free will and independence? I have very little. I can't just make a schedule and do it. It's complicatedly difficult. I often procrastinate on something I know I need to do it. I think I know myself, but I don't actually. I want my room to be as clean as possible like a hotel, but it's not. I behave totally the opposite from my expectation sometimes. I should be able to finish one book every day or at worst three days. I don't. Sometimes I behave as if I am not myself. Who is myself? It turns out just a pattern I am fallen into. My best and my worst behaviors are mine and they are parts of so called self. If I can design myself into a vegetarian and I do it successfully, I can design myself into a writer as well. Now I write every single day. I can design myself into anything as long as I create the pattern. I thank my old-self to behave well and decided to be a vegetarian. It opens a new horizon and new belief that my identity is not fix and unaltered. Now I am designing my self. I have the design for my body, my economy, my reading habit and so on. I can decide to be the best version of me. I know all of this through reading and I should read more and more. I can see as far as my tool allow it. If I use technology and knowledge, I can see viruses, bacteria, planets and stars. This writing will be the record of my past for my future. In the future maybe I will think totally differently and see this writing as ridiculous and nonsense. I do not know how but I don't like socialization. I prefer to be alone reading a book or watching movies than being in the middle of many people that I am not important at all but I must behave as normal person. I know I can change this pattern. I don't have fix identity and I can always change anything as long as it refers to "the pattern" of self. Now I am a vegetarian, I'm a teacher, I like reading, and so on. I can change all of them consciously. I'm lazy, but I can turn myself into the one who works harder than everyone else, a workaholic. I can turn myself into a polyglot or even into a killer if I really want to. In my opinion, reality and imagination are the same things. Who decides which one is reality and which one is imagination? Money is a fiction we all believe as reality. This applies to almost everything. Countries, companies, religions, marriage, are all fiction. As long as all people believe it, it is real. Even mathematic and reality itself are also fiction. This is bottomless pit of philosophical concept I won't go there. Life is basically single player game. It's all in the brain. The true power is knowledge. Reality is made of information. People perceive reality differently. This morning I met a crazy man. He was wearing dirty clothes like a beggar. He walked freely and laughed out loud as if the world was so funny. He was so happy. I never saw any rich people, or beautiful people or strong people as happy as him. I think that the crazy man is better than everyone else. We are all crazy in our own way. A person working hard for money, isn't that crazy. A person breaks his heart because the one he love cheats on him. A person check on his social media hundreds times in a day just to see who likes his update. Those things are not different from what the crazy man did. Reality is a persistence fiction or imagination. What is very normal to most people, to want what they do not need, is very weird to a philosopher. What is normal to a kid, is weird to an adult. What is great to some people is shameful for others. Who decides what is right and wrong, the mind, the knowledge. In the end of the day, we all are dreaming.

0 Self-Control and Boredom

Self-Control and Boredom The root of all problem is self-control. Self-Control is basically the ability to suffer and to choose what is less pleasurable for the sake of future benefit. Self-control is a skill. Everyone can master this skill by practicing it every day. Make it a habit and it will feel like super power. I choose to be vegetarian. It was a huge self-control in the beginning, now it's natural for me. Now I've been a vegetarian for more than five years. I believe I can do anything else as long as I really want it and try it. It helps me to have better self-control and have more positive emotions. In many situations, self-control doesn't work. If I am surrounded by foods, I'll eat more. The condition matters a lot. People do what is available. If you live in a house with swimming pool, I believe you will swim more often no matter whether you like swimming or not. You will swim more often than those who really love swimming but live very far from swimming pool. The option we choose is what is obvious in front of us. Therefore if I want something or become something, I need to create the situation fit for that. Boredom is the enemy of self-control. When you get bored, you want to do something else, go somewhere else, and so on. I often try on myself to read one book page to page but in the middle of reading I get bored and want to change the activity. Sometimes I imagine myself if I do not get bored and can finish book after book after book, it would be great. I can have unbreakable consistency and become a master in relatively short time. Modern people get bored so easily because they train their brain to do that unconsciously. When boredom hits, people can just open their social media and they become addicted very soon. They can turn of TV and doing nothing for hours being hypnotized by the various news and entertainment. They loss their ability to read books or doing anything that need long attention span. When they do their work, they constantly distracted by their phones, checking something every now and then mindlessly. Self-control is fragile at the beginning. It can break anytime with various temptations. I've tried to quit social media so many times and still failed miserably. I have nothing to show off but still I use it just to see what others do. In the past, when I have a lot of things to share, I was sharing like crazy as if I was the center of the world. I spent more than five hours a day. It was madness. Now I spend about ten minutes a day or less. If you are beautiful, you are unlucky person. You will be hooked by social media. Any post from you will get a ton of likes and you will be addicted by the false attentions. They don't really care. You won't have time and energy to do something better, to pursue your dreams. You'll become the center of attention and all of them is fake. Playing stupid game winning stupid prize. That's it, quit and stay away. Celebs are miserable people because of this. Their life is never a peaceful one. They care about people's opinion and they become their slave. Then how to train self-control? By doing boring stuffs and be persistence. For example read the most boring books and finish them no matter what. It is hell but then reading any book will feel like heaven. Most people think that reading books is wasting time, yet they spend their time doing nothing but watching TV or mindlessly checking social media all the time. Self-control is to suffer willingly and people do not see the logic in there. The purpose of life is pleasure and yet after they do it all the time, they are unhappy. Antisthenes said, "The purpose of life is virtue not pleasure, pleasure is not only unnecessary but positive evil". I think what he means by pleasure here is like what people think about pleasure such as; drinking alcohol, sex, delicious foods, laziness and so on. I agree to Antisthenes in that sense. Pursue pleasure and you will be miserable, pursue virtue and you will be peaceful and then happy. In my opinion, people who love reading are happy people, people who love clubbing and parties are unhappy people. Those who love reading have peaceful of mind, those who love clubbing and parties have restless of mind. As Spinoza said that true power is understanding. Money often causes dangers and destructions. It frees the Pandora box in your mind. It granted all your evil wishes and desires that has no limit. Reading will strengthen self-control and exercise boredom, going to party is often to lose the self-control to the boredom. The reason to do something matters. The reason why we need to strengthen self-control is to be stronger. Power equals happiness, Spinoza said. It's true as far I notice and learn what makes people happy or unhappy. Happiness is always simple and needs less. People complicated their life because they live in complicated society. When they want to stay simple but society requires them to be the same as others, they do not have much choice. It's very complicated just to get married for example. Life of unhappy people is like story created by Franz Kafka, The Trial. If you are powerless, you are unhappy. That is the simple truth. The opposite of self-control maybe is self-sabotage, to fail oneself from within because it is much easier to do than practicing self-control. I do it all the time. I sabotage my diet when I meet delicious foods. I don't really understand the real reason behind this behavior. It seems like the automatic version of myself. My autopilot and default mode of life is to get pleasure mindlessly. Now I'm looking at a big house in where the owner is unhappy person. He is complicated and lies to many people for his own benefit. He is greedy and ignorance. I have experiences be deceived by friends for money. Their names are forever tainted and they live unhappy powerless life because they have much worries a lot of reasons to hide.

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0 Understanding

_29.6.2021_ Understanding is the true power and power equals happiness. When Buddha said that life is suffering, I think so many people do not really understand his notion. The root of desire is suffering, the lack of the object that is desired. I rarely see happy people anywhere no matter their social status. As a photographer, I've been to many luxury hotels and listen to people's conversation. In term of happiness, they are not different from most people. Money doesn't buy happiness. Most people complicated their own life. They are eaten by nothing, the predator is their own ignorance. Most people are greedy. They want more and more. Their desire is limitless. And they always want what they do not have. Minimalist people who live with less are happier. They face less problem dealing with stuffs. The cause of greed is ignorance. If you do not want to be famous, you do not want to show off, little is enough. There's no need to join rat race. No need to pursue wealth by renting out the lifetime and labor to the degree of overworking. To understand is to forgive everything without exception. People are angry to something they can't comprehend and can't understand completely. I'm angry to someone who steals my money because I don't understand her reasoning and her whole situation. If I were her, probably it's the best option I have, to steal. To understand is to escape from suffering. I understand life is suffering and nothing I can do to save animals from food chain nor I can make people to think correctly and not to suffer from their ignorance. At most I can do it to myself. The cause of suffering is ignorance, the cause of desires that causes suffering is also ignorance. I agree to Socrates that there is only one good; knowledge, there is only one bad; ignorance. If I feel unhappy about life it's because I don't understand that life is suffering. Understanding this is the key to happiness. To accept everything and to forgive everything without exception need deep understanding. It's normal to suffer and then just work to make life better, to suffer less. Rather than complaining the darkness, it's better to lit a candle, Buddha said. What happens always happens as it happens. It follows the natural law, the chains of action and reaction, cause and effect. Spinoza said, you can love god but can't expect god to love you back. In Bhagavad Gita, Khrisna said, "You are entitled to the work but not to the result". Naval Ravikant said, "Be impatient to the work, be patient to the result." The key of happiness is low expectation plus hard work. To be the giver and not the receiver. Let people steal your money, cheating on you, use you, and forgive them all. They do that because you are better than them. They are unhappy ignorance people who think that being bad can lead them to happiness. Pity them for that. If it happened that you are short, ugly, poor, and lonely, you can still be perfectly happy with Spinoza recipe of happiness, understanding and knowledge. There is no need to envy others or to change your body and condition to be different person. Trying to be happy makes people unhappy. First accept that life is suffering, then behave to lessen the suffering by acquiring knowledge and become wise. There is a son who tells his father that he is in a big problem, the father says whether his problem will kill him or not, the son says no, and the fathers says that it's not real problem, just take it easy. When I read stories about Nasruddin Hoja, Zhuang Zi, and other wise men, I learn that life is actually easy. People suffer from their own imagination. If you are unhappy because you are really hungry, it's understandable. But if you are unhappy for not having luxurious life, not famous, having less stuffs than your friends, you are suffering from bad reasoning. I'm getting married in several months. I understand what is expected of me to be a good husband is to be rich one. It's unspoken expectation. I don't care no matter religious the girl is, what she wants is more money. I will highly respect to people who behave consistently to their belief. They praise the sages who live simple and careless life but they behave as if nothing is more important than money. They won't respect poor people, they despise them. Their behavior, speaking, believe, and emotions are not in synchronize. Their emotions contradict their own words. In short no one is less greedy than others no matter their religion belief, social status, gender, and race. The only factor that differentiates them is their knowledge and understanding. If I expect someone to behave like Buddha or Zhuang Zi, I am crazy. I can't expect fish to fly and lion to eat grass. It's their nature to do that and it's ok. I love them all. All the differences and all the problems, uncertainties, randomness, volatility, those things make life worth living and interesting. Life is suffering and it's ok like that. If I do not suffer, I do nothing. I won't work harder because I have no desire to have more. I will love my wife and understand her. This is life and it's natural to suffer, to want more, to be greedy, to do what seem amazing and promising. I've been deceived by friends and strangers, my bikes were stolen, and all kinds of misfortunes happened to my life. I forgive them all. I forgive all suffering that had happened, is happening and will happen to me. I take them with both hands open. I understand that life is suffering and it's ok. I still love it. Amor fati, said Nietzsche. Love your fate. Love your life with everything inside. Love your spouse will all her characters. If you have low expectation, nothing can disappoint you and make you unhappy.

0 Urgency

_28.6.2021_ For so long time I think that I'm lazy. I think that most people are lazy. Poor people are lazy. C students are lazy. Fat people are lazy. This world is full of lazy people. When I woke up this morning I found myself that I need to go to toilet to poop. I was not lazy at all. It urges me to do it no matter what. Nothing and no one can stop me. It turned out that someone else was in the toilet. I felt restless and used all that I had to hold it for a while. To that point I thought that I was not lazy at all nor easily gave up. I was persistent and focus. And to tell the truth, I never fail even once to go to toilet when I need to poop. I am succeed 100% of the time. It's urgent and demanding. My brain just shut down everything else and focus in this assignment to be finished successfully. No drama, not excuses, nothing but "just do it". Marcel Proust said "to kindness, to knowledge, we make promise only; pain we obey." It's so true in my case. If I don't do it or ignore it, my body feels pain. To avoid the pain, I do it voluntarily with great priority. In Javanese it's called "rawe-rawe rantas, malang-malang putung", it means nothing can stop me to do it, no matter what. This warrior mentality, everyone has and practice it every day. So the motivation is to avoid pain. Pain is the key and the best effective way to accomplish any task. It's negative motivation. People go to doctor because they are afraid of death and sickness. People work hard every day because they do not want to live in poverty and suffer from hunger. All activities are basically to get pleasure and avoid pain. Today people try to use pleasure to seduce people to do what they want. It's positive motivation to get pleasure. When the motivation is to get pleasure, the activity and the result are often negative. People are addicted to social media, junk foods, online games, porn, and drugs. The motivation is to get pleasure. When the motivation is to avoid pain, the activity and the result are often positive. People eat healthy foods, read books, exercise, do meditation. People are often confused by positive and negative. Is it right to force people to do good? It's right to force ourselves to do good, to eat healthy, read books, exercise, meditate. If ignorance people should choose by themselves, they would choose self-sabotage, they would destroy themselves and others through pleasures. But it's their choice as long as it doesn't violate any legal law. Good action is often involve immediate pain and delayed pleasure. In contrary, bad action is often involve immediate pleasure and delayed pain. One must be careful to immediate pleasure. It's often false promise. To be able to see it clearly, one must seek knowledge and understanding first as the priority. Understanding is true power. "Ignorance is the only evil there is", Socrates said, and "knowledge is the only good." If negative motivation is very effective and actually bring positive results, then how to apply this to our life? Negative motivation has its consequences as well. For example, if a student study hard because someone will punish him otherwise, he will stop studying if the punisher is not exist anymore. So, negative motivation can only be positive and last long only when it comes from self-understanding, not from external force. When people do good because they are afraid of police, if the police is not there or when no one notice, he will stop doing good. So negative motivation must be applied out of self-awareness, just like what Ulysses did to listen the siren song without being killed. To the same understanding, today we can apply Ulysses pact or Ulysses contract. This contract will tie us to the consequences that we'll get if we fail to do the assignment. For example I want to be a painter and I promise to paint a painting every single day. I ask my friend to keep my money, and if I fail even once to paint every day, the money will be his as my punishment. The sum of the money must be big enough that I don't want to lose it no matter what. It works. If a man is serious enough to do something, he would be willing to make the contract. People are not really lazy. They don't see the far future consequences clearly. They think they know but they don't. It's easy to make assumption that we know the consequences. People often overestimate their knowledge about what they do not know. They are too confidence and then they make bad decision every day. People always do what they thing as their best option at the moment. They are always choosing but they often choose out of ignorance. They can only see what is there and ignorance to what will be there. They do not see the urgency of studying, exercising, or working hard like when they need to poop. Without urgency and direct consequences, the most logical decision is to choose what is pleasurable at the moment. This is the basic instinct of human to survive. They eat as many as possible when they see foods because they do not know when they will see foods again. That's the urgency, to survive. Psychologists had done the famous marshmallow test to kids. The result was clear that the kids who were able to delay the gratification would be more successful in the future. Those kids who were impulsive in their actions and failed to the test, they would be less successful. In the past I made so many terrible decisions that I thought they were amazing at that time. I bought too much stuffs I didn't need and I didn't save money at all. I spent my time on social media and was addicted. I can't believe I did that. It is a long process to realize how hard to make the right decision in life. Now, what will I do with my time and my life? More I know, more I realize that I have very little self-control. I need to apply Ulysses pact in my life to achieve what I want to achieve. I do not and can't trust my own promise. I break my promise all the time because it has no consequences. I can only trust my habit and build it bit by bit, it will be easier with the help of Ulysses contract.

0 Uncertainty

_27.6.2021_ People do not like uncertainty. They prefer suffering to uncertainty. This is why poor people stay being poor rather than trying new business or move to new location. They make assumption that what is familiar is safer and more comfortable, even if it's poverty. They avoid uncertainty and risk. This behavior is self-defeating behavior that prevent them from their flourishing. I can refer this to myself very clearly. I'm afraid of people's opinions. I'm afraid of failure and rejection, therefore I never really asked someone to have a date or apply to new job. When I study a new language, I play safe to avoid mistakes and ridicule of others. When I read, I choose easier books. Normally I do not challenge myself and I do not take risks. In short, I'm a coward. I'm about to change. I try to take risks and do what is difficult for me. I try to present myself as "horrible" so people can despise me as they like and I can practice to face rejection and negative opinion from others. Failure is the way to success. To fail every day and get better is the fastest way to get to the destination. A basketball player fail thousands times a day throwing a ball to the ring. Most people aim low and therefore it's easier for them to be successful. Playing stupid game winning stupid prize. People spending their time doing unimportant things, and they don't risk anything. They do not have big picture and big effort. If the aim is to run 1km a day, the mental effort will be different from 10km a day. Just to think about running 10km a day is tiresome. Most people avoid thinking about it and therefore fail to do it at all. At the start, aiming low and small is the best start. Until one create the solid habit, he must not aim high. After the solid habit is established, he can increase the distance and difficulty. That's the key, never aim big until you build the solid habit. I learned this from atomic habit and it sounds so logical. The purpose is to build the habit first. Build the system. After that move slowly to the next target. If now I target ten pages every day I probably will kill the habit that I just started. It needs time to establish a new habit. After I can write one page every day for several months, I can start to double the page. By that time writing one page will be very easy and I need new challenge. Now I'm learning Mandarin but I don't really study every day. I do not memorize new vocabularies outside of what my students are learning. This is how people fail at their attempt to build a skill. They do not really improve every day. To improve is to learn what they do not know yet. It means to fail and feel uncomfortable every day, to face uncertainty. After a while, uncertainty becomes certain, then one should go to the next uncertainty. This whole process is necessary for improvement. Imagine if one reads a book and doesn't want to go to the next page, just read one page over and over again because it's familiar and comfortable. He will never be able to finish the book. Lately I took a risk, I asked someone to marry me after just the first meeting, and she said yes. I didn't know what terrified me long ago to do the same. I waited for 37 years to be able to do so. I was so afraid of rejection and made no attempt to anything that had the potential to fail me. I thought it would break me into pieces. I was afraid and shy, no one should know that I was rejected. Now I think it's ridiculous. Now if I apply for a job I would apply the high salary job that I even believe they will reject my application. Out of many rejections, there will be one or two that will accept me. Say it's my luck or whatever, I do not really care. I'm practicing to be antifragile. I am learning to fail and to love uncertainty, volatility, randomness, problems, difficulties and such things. Now I start reading difficult books that I avoided in the past. Derrida said, "Go there you cannot go; to the impossible, it's indeed the only way of going and coming." I challenge myself to do it. Now I choose to challenge myself every day. This way life is more colorful and fun. It's more like a game than boring obligation. It's good to fail, just try to fail better the next time. If you take the challenge every day, one day you will find the black swan. It's a rare event when you find your luck or success. Like digging a tunnel every day until one day you find the treasure. That's how success works. Working hard every single day and seems failure every single day until you suddenly make it. To climb a mountain is the same process, just walking and walking until one moment you see the top and get there. Digging a well is the same process, you just dig and dig until later you reach the water fountain underground. That's when the black swan appear. That moment is the success moment. Everyone will make it eventually if they do the effort every single day, losing and failing little every single day and win big at the end. What most people do is the opposite, winning little every day and lose big at the end. For example smoking, it's a small pleasure every day until one day, the smoker is diagnosed with lung cancer. Eating junk foods, it's small gain every day and big loss at the end. Working in a company can also become small gain every day, get salary every month, until one day one is fired or the company is bankrupt. If the end is big loss, it's fragile. It's better to live poor and uncertainty every day but after ten years black swan will appear and become rich than to live good every day and become poor at the end after ten or twenty years. People are afraid of uncertainty and they hate it. They do not know whether they will find black swan or not. They would rather take the road of everyone else. To live normal live every day, to work for others and get monthly salary. They will never become rich and that's better than living in uncertainty and risking their only life to look for black swan. People tend to plan vegetables that they can see the result after a month than planting trees that they can only see the result in 15 years. To wait for 15 years to be rich and successful is too much for them. They won't even try to do it. It's out of question. They way to success is full of risk, uncertainties and failures, only those who crazy enough to take it will get there.

0 Cruel Optimism

_26.6.2021_ I behave differently from what I know is good because what is good is often difficult to do. My behavior is often the picture of what I want, not what I need. Want versus need, want always wins. It's between temptations versus willpower. I choose temptation, it's cruel optimism. When what I want is the opposite of what will make me flourish. I want what is actually bad for me. Is it the default mode of me? To behave and desire what's preventing me from my flourishing. I think this is why knowledge is the true power. Self-mastery is the greatest challenge for all people. Who doesn't want to have beautiful body shape and who really has it? It's the closes example that what within my power I still powerless. Life is actually very simple and easy. It becomes difficult because most people make it so. If what I want is just to stay alive, to eat and survive, I can just work several hours a week. But it's not what I want. I want to be successful compare to most people, therefore I work for ten hours or fifteen hours a day. Most people do that, so do I. I think it's a new norm and it's ok as long as I am happy with that. Most people are not happy. They join the rat race. The competition to accumulate stuffs that they don't really need and even causing them unhappiness. It's common and people accept this as normal. Like working, if I am the only one who doesn't work as others, I am alone, not free because they meet their friends at work but I have all the time by myself and no one will come to visit me or I can visit them because they are working and busy. Same as schooling, no matter how obsolete it is and irrelevant anymore with the modern system, but it's necessary for the kids to meet their friends and socialize in daily life. Life just happens like that, I can't unjoin the system. I know that I'm always choosing. Whatever I have and happen in my life, at some point, I choose it. The problem is that I often make bad decision than not. I can see that by writing every day I start to make better decision in life. It's like self-monitoring. Especially to how I spend my time in a day. If I decide to walk for a month, I can imagine how far I can go. If I ride a bike for a month, it will be much further. Actually I know that all decisions I make is important in life. Whether I play stupid game and win stupid price like using social media for hours a day or I can read and make me wiser or I can exercise and shape my body or I can work and accumulate wealth. All of the decisions depend on what I want at the time. Cruel optimism is to want what is bad for me in the long term. It can be bad for health, wealth, relationship, and so on. What is easy is normally good for now but bad for future, what is hard is good for future but bad for now. It's always now. People always feel that it's now forever. Then they make bad decisions. What is hard to do, if I really do it every day, it becomes neutral and normal. I realized this after I read books about habit, Atomic habit, the power of Habit, and others. I simply do it without drama. Now I do exercise every morning and write articles every day. I don't see it as difficult, at least not as difficult as before. Just do it, no drama. I just need to find out what habit that will make me flourish in the future and just start doing it little by little every single day. Those people who work for fifteen hours a day, I believe they are not more miserable than those who do not work at all, or those who work for eight hours a day. People can get used to everything. They get used to seasons, climate changes, the turning of day and night, the growth from childhood to adulthood, everything. Those who go to the jail will get used to it and survive. If the state of war, people also get used to it. Cruel optimism maybe comes from bad faith. We choose the temptation because we do not really know the truth. We want to entertain ourselves with sugar, sex, entertainment, social validation, and all kinds of falsehood. Maybe without all of them we believe that we are less important, insignificant, and pointless. We dull our senses to lessen the pain, to forget the real problems. We are lack of love and attention. We fear and tremble to face the monster inside of our own mind. We don't want the monster to be seen. The monster is our true self. We put the monster in a cage and hide it in the darkest corner. Then we wear the mask of smile face. It’s a happy face or else people will think that we are unhappy and loser, which is true. Those who want to be beautiful are those who wants to be loved, accepted, and valued by others. If we accept the monster, we realize that we are ugly but powerful. We do not want to be accepted and loved, we want to conquer and power over our own life. External validation is not important anymore. We force the world to accept us as we are. We are free and powerful and happier. Power equals happiness. Beauty is short term power. It's fragile, must be handle with care. Knowledge is antifragile, more it's tested and tempered, it becomes stronger. Socrates said that there is only one good, knowledge, only one evil, ignorance. True power comes from understanding and knowledge. In this life, to be truly happy, people must aim to be antifragile, to acknowledge the monster. So far I'm fragile, I want to be beautiful, to be accepted, to be loved. I'm afraid of direct sunlight, I want beautiful skin, long life, and external validation. Now I feel that it's stupid. People don't really care, they are too busy with themselves, dealing with their doubt, fear, problems, as I do. To be antifragile is like Diogenes, live totally free life and doesn't care at all about others’ opinion. In eating, if I can only eat certain kind of foods, I'm fragile too, antifragile loves uncertainties, volatility, problems, obstacles, imbalance, and variability. I must aim at this. Do what I want because I am actually free. I'm not the victim and prisoner, I am the ugly strong monster who is free. If I behave well it's because I want it, nor fear of others or to be accepted, loved and respected by others.

0 Normal Day Motivation

_25.6.2021_ This morning. It's not special day. It's a normal day. I wake up in the morning and do what I always do, and others also do what they always do. The pattern doesn't really change except I change it consciously. Usually it won't be so long until it comes back to the baseline, to normal. To create a new normal is almost impossible. Actually there is no such good habit or bad habit, just habit. I don't believe that bad habit is especially easier to be adopted. It is so because people believe it so. It's self-fulfilling prophesy. What is believed becomes reality. Those who believe that reading habit is difficult or even impossible, they are right, those who believe the opposite are also right. Everything depends on the mind. Therefore educated people tend to be more successful in life because they have the right mindset to be one. Years ago, if I had to apply for a job, I would apply based on my self-worth. I would never apply to high salary job. I was not for me. I was normal people and didn't deserve to even want it. This mindset was the cause that I didn't have good job in the past. Most people put really low price to their time and labor. Either way, they are right. How I respect myself is the standard guide for others to respect me. No one will value me more than I value myself. Therefore I must put high value to myself, my time and my labor. A writer, like me will wake up every morning and facing blank page to be filled with sentences. Teachers go to teach, farmers go to their field to cultivate soil, and workers go to their office and factory. They do what is necessary to survive, day in day out. They follow their unwritten schedule every day. If I ask someone to do something they do not normally do, maybe they will say "I can't do that". For example to read for one hour every day. They will say "I don't have time, I can't do that, and so on..." But if I pay them to do so, it becomes their job and doing it is just so normal and natural. Pay people and they will do almost any work. If I give them $10 per hour for reading, they will gladly read for ten hours per day, or exercise, meditation, anything important. If they really do read about four or five hours every day during their school years, it's sixteen years, they will be highly successful in the workplace. Because they are better than everyone else. I didn't do it myself. I hope I did it. Now because I understand English, I think more rationally than most people around me. I value myself more and I use my time and energy more effectively. Overall I am happier than most people. I won't work for others just for minimum salary. If I used all my 15 hours a day to learn something and to earn money, I believe that I will be much better than renting out my time, doing anything people ask me for little money. According to Naval Ravikant, there are three factors if someone wants to be rich; 1) Have something important to do, creating products or owning a business, 2) Find the best partners to work together, and 3) Work as hard as you can. If I really do all these three things, I will be poor for ten years and then become rich after that. He said, "be impatient with the work and be patient with the result". But if I renting out my time, I will never be rich. For me it's very logical and obvious. To be rich, one must stay poor and work as hard as possible for years. The most dangerous things are opium and monthly salary. Now it can be social media and monthly salary. It's very addictive and make you forget about your dream. The best advice I've ever heard so far. I guess very few people comprehend this and even fewer will apply this to their life. I'm about to apply this but then I get married. I need to have a stable income. I need monthly salary ever than before. I can see the irony and I can't do much about it. But I got the idea to value my time to the highest possible. I won't waste it as I did in the past. For example I will write every day for my blog and edit videos for my YouTube channel. Now I still have about 45 days before my wedding day. I will use the time as best as I can to improve my skill. I value my time much more than ever, that's the most important thing that I get from Naval Ravikant's advice. I will plant trees as well so in five years I'll get the result. It's a kind of infestation. I must do infestation as much as possible. If I do that, in five years I will be rich. It's not impossible at all. It's mathematically valid and should be done by everyone. Learning a new skill is also a good infestation. In five years I will be able to speak mandarin and Japanese fluently if I invest my time like three hours a day for five years. Now I can see myself getting better and better. It's just about mindset. I will continue reading more and learning Mandarin more, this can be my valuable asset in the future and help me a lot in my life. I should have deleted my social media accounts but for now I just open them less and less often. I'm not addicted anymore. Now it's the time to build a good habit that will make me rich and successful in five to ten years. It must be something that will earn money for me while I'm asleep. One thing I realize from my past habit is that I quit too early. In writing I would stop after a page only. Actually if I could deal with uncomfortable, I can keep going and write a lot longer. It's indeed about comfort and the fear of others' judgment. To be poor for ten years and work as hard as possible is indeed uncomfortable. If I work, I should save most of the money I earn to start my own business after several years. It will be uncomfortable to be regarded as poor. But that's the best way to be rich. I'm a bit late but it's not too late. The best time to plan a tree is fifteen years ago, the next best time is now. That's the plan, and it will go well as long as I work as hard as possible and upgrade my knowledge every single day from now on to the end.

0 The Details

_24.6.2021_ Specific knowledge is the most useful knowledge. Only specific is practical and can be applied immediately. One who has experienced something is more knowledgeable and therefore can do it in the second time. The different between the best and worst cook is that the first knows the detail, and the later doesn't. This is applied to all skill and occupation. A professional photographer knows everything about his camera, poses, lighting, and all related knowledge in detail while the beginner only knows some of them. To compare the difference between detail and non-detail I can imagine two pictures, one is taken with professional camera and lens, the other one is taken with old phones. Another example is that when we read a book in a day under the sunlight compares to at night under the moonlight. People often too confident with their knowledge. They share an article or news from anonymous resources. The content itself is often unreliable, they can't detect the hoax just from the words. The age of information can easily become the age of hoax and misinformation. Internet can manipulate masses easily. As long as it spreads out widely, people will believe it. If the information is repeated over and over again, it will be regarded as valid. The truth is that most information in internet that is not in detail will probably hoax. An expert is someone who has made all possible mistakes. It means he has tried everything related to the matter. Normal people are terrified to make mistakes and avoid them. Therefore they will never be experts. True knowledge cannot be taught but can be learned. Everyone has their own point of view based on their past experiences and knowledge. He has to experience it by himself not by the story of others or teachers. Detail knowledge is reliable and applicable. It can be gotten from experiments and theories at the same time. People fail at their attempts because they do not have enough knowledge. Not enough means not in details. If one shoots a bird and he knows the detail position, and he uses a gun with 100% precision, it's easy for him to shoot it down. There are a lot of uncertainties in life. A lot of factors play a role and often change over time. In this sense, it's almost impossible to know what will happen in the future. In my own daily life, I can't be sure what I will do in the next one or two hours. I can make a schedule but still I can't follow it 100% of the time. Making schedule is actually the way to know what I will do in the day. Without such plan, I just will likely waste my time on unrelated things. I can't even predict myself, my thoughts, and my actions. I can say that today I will finish reading one book or editing five videos, that won't happen precisely as I said. It's a mystery for me, and I'm finding out the truth, why I can behave as I wish. If I can really behave as I wish, it's easy for me to be rich, healthy, and happy. I just make the schedule and follow it blindly. I should know in detail how I fail and document it. After that I make correction and adjustment until I make it and hit 100% of the time. It sounds easy and doable right now right here when I am not in action. I just write it down. The application is totally different story. At least with such schedule and report, I'll make better decision. It's all about the decision that I make over time. I'm always choosing and making decision whether to do this or not to do this. I am in charge. When I am mindful and do it consciously, I do better. When I do thing mindlessly, normally I do not do it right. The biggest obstacle is my smartphone. I open social media and YouTube and suddenly it's two hours wasting time. Same old same old, people do not change. Promise is not reliable. How many married couples finally get divorce after several years of the marriage. It's the commitment every day that counts. Atomic habit is the way to do it. Make the habit easy and must be reviewed every day. If it's not a progress, it's a decline. Monitoring the habit every day means to improve it daily. 1% improvement every day is good enough. Over time it will be 100% and more. If no one monitors the habit, it will decline for sure. That's why an athlete needs a coach to train him and monitor the progress. People behave well under the monitor. Finally the most important to do is 'to know yourself'. Very few people know themselves in detail. They have no idea their weakness and strength. What should be improved and what should be eliminated. They never know how long they can survive without foods. How hard they can work. How fast they can run. They do not know their worry and fear in detail. What they really want and what make them happy and unhappy. They have no idea what makes them angry and sad. When they get sick they do not know what the cause is. They do not see their habit in detail. Shortly they do not know themselves. They do not know their own behaviors and emotions, therefore they are not in control to them.

0 If I know

_23.6.2021_ No one knows the future. If it for sure that lifting barbell for 10million times will make my arm big and strong, now I won't be patient to do it every single second enthusiastically. The problem is that I do not know whether it works or not. There is no way I can see the future, what if I do this, what if I do that. I think ten thousand hours rule should be close to the truth. It makes sense and I should try this on my mandarin. It's just ten hours a day for three years. I wonder why I didn't do it before. Maybe because there is no sense of urgency. I can start very early every day and keep learning. I will make it. What I need to do is just doing the volume work, as much as possible. The quantity will turn into quality after enough time and repetition. To go to the top of the mountain, it needs certain amount of steps. If I know exactly how many steps it takes to get there, it will be easier for me to do it. It's measurable and therefore achievable. The problem is that people do not know for sure how long to get there to the top, will they make it or not. This uncertainty scares people and they do not take steps to get there. What if they fail? Most people struggle with their own negative thoughts. To be optimistic and certain are very difficult and rare. I think future is highly predictable, such as, if I read a book for ten hours I will finish it. With YouTube videos I can see how long it takes to finish watching the videos. It makes the process easier. It's certain and definite. Everything is also definite. What is needed is just to find the detail knowledge about it. If I keep writing this article, definitely I will reach one page sooner or later. If I stop writing now, it won't reach one page consisting of a thousand words. If I keep writing every day, in three years I will have written a thousand articles. I wonder if that time people will start to read some of my writings. Three years, it's not a long time. Eight hours is a long time if I use it for reading a book, I can finish a book. But I don't do it normally. I don't have that much energy and focus to do it. If I spend those eight hours to run, I can reach very long distance. I keep wasting my time for the reasons that I can't understand. If I know what exactly it takes to be successful, will I do it? Now my YouTube channel has reached a thousand subscribers. I thought it would stop after three hundred subscribers. I was wrong. It's growing slowly. If I keep uploading new videos every day, the next six months it will reach 2000 subscribers, in a year 4000. I do not know what will happen in the future, the best I can do is to keep uploading new videos every day. This is the principle of success, keep working as hard as possible on something important. Actually I know. I just do not do what I have already known. The best example is how to loss my body weight. What I need to do is just eat less. I swear I want to, really want to have flat belly or better six packs belly muscles. But each time I'm facing food, I lose my control to eat a little more, just a bit more. Yet when the time to exercise come, I procrastinate and sometimes just don't do it. If I do it, I do as little as possible. For a long time I wanted to try intermitten fasting. I never make it so far. When I feel hungry, I only want one thing and one thing alone, to eat. I forget about my long term goal, my promise to eat little less. When hungry I behave impulsively. I know how to be rich, smart, strong, and healthy. I guess all people know. This is not a rocket science. It's simple, just like meditation. What I need to do is just to focus and persistence. To ignore everything else but the goal. To bear the suffering willingly. Finally the timer will ring and one session is finished. It's a long term game. Until I come to realization that the work is the important part, not the result, so I must love the work more than the result, I won't be successful. Naval Ravikant said, "Be impatient with the work, be patient with the result". I must love the process not the result. When I climb a mountain, the whole point and meaning is the process of the climbing itself, not the fact that I am at the top of the mountain. If I get there by helicopter, it will be totally different feeling. Success indeed follows a simple principle. Everyone knows how to finish reading a book. But very few people are truly able to finish reading a book. It's so simple, no brainer. Everyone knows how to be skinnier. The problem is that they behave differently from what they know. Because to work on it, needs time and perseverance. The reward is not immediate. People want immediate reward and they get it from Facebook, YouTube, instagram, immediate reward all the time. They are addicted to immediate rewards and that's all. They eat the marshmallow immediately. I fall to the same pit as they do. I am just one of them, nothing special. Now I keep trying to always choose the delay gratification and avoid the immediate reward. I write this article daily with zero reader. In the future, next five or ten years the situation may be completely different. Who knows? No matter how this habit will end, I will write every day for ever.

0 Volume Works

_22.6.2021_ It seems obvious that to be successful, one must work as hard as possible. In Outliers, Malcom Gladwell argues that one needs approximately ten thousand hours work to be excellent at anything. It's half of the story, to be excellent, one must do what so called deliberate practice. Just repeating the same thing over and over again won't make one become great. Yet Bruce Lee famously said, "I'm not afraid of someone who knows one thousand kicks, I'm afraid of someone who practice one kick a thousand times." As a teacher I also realize that repetition matters in memorizing. I need to repeat the concept until it is learned. Repetition creates habit. Just like this writing, I do it every single day to make it a habit until it becomes natural for me to do it. Once I have the habit, then I can go on with the improvement. Without the habit, improvement is impossible. So the first step is to work as hard as possible, as much as possible, after that improve gradually. What I learn from working as much as possible is this, it needs as much time and energy as working as least as possible. A student who studies very hard, read most of the time, compares to a student who doesn't study much, they spend three years in high school, going home tired and repeat again the next day. In all the best and worst students spend the same time and energy. The worst students don't have more time nor energy to do something extraordinary, they are not happier as well because they study less. Overall the best students have more satisfaction and better memory when they grow and become adult. People who spend time doing nothing, actually they do not really enjoy it. They will be tired just by doing a little work. Human has amazing body who can adapt to any situation. Human is the only animal who can live anywhere in this world, in a pole, a desert, mountains, cities, all kind of places. Those who work hard will gain much power and adapt, those who work little will have less power and become weak. It's possible, through exercise, an old grandma can finish a marathon while most people can barely run a hundred meters. Human's adaptability is very amazing. It's possible to finish reading one book every day. It needs about six to ten hours. Nonreader won't be able to read a page every day, for them it's tiresome. Same as running, one person can run ten kilometer every day, other person can't even finish a hundred meter distance. What actually make the difference? It's the belief and mindset. If one believes he can do something, his belief alone is the source of great energy. Very few people have ever met their limit at anything. I know that I do not operate at my best performance, just like a car who has maximum speed 200km/h and always be used at 50km/h. It's a waste of potential. And the most common potential wasted is the time. I think people do not really spend their time wisely. If my time has some value, say $10 per hour, I can earn $100 dollar in a day, $3000 in a month. But I don't put any value on my time. I waste it most of the time, watching YouTube, checking social media, for nothing at all. Because it has no value, I don't think about efficiency, about its potential. If I value my time not with money but with reading, it’s 60 pages per hour, in ten hours I can finish 600 pages. It’s two books. In a month I can finish 60 books. Now I'm thinking about putting a price tag to my time. It should be $100 per hour. I should earn $1000 per day. It's not ridiculous price. Naval Ravikant did so and he said he would do anything less than his price tag and always behave accordingly. His price tag is $5000 per hour. Therefore I always think about meeting the value of my time. Do watching YouTube will earn me $100 or am I willing to pay $100 to watch YouTube videos for one hour? If the answer is no, I should not do it. I should find the activity which match my time value. Thinking about this I will only have few activities that equal to my time value, and just do them, do nothing less than that. Now that my time is very valuable, I will use it as effective and efficient as possible. No more instagram, Facebook, and unnecessary videos on YouTube. I should spend my time to learn a skill, read books, exercise, write articles, editing videos for my YouTube channel, studying a new language, working, teaching and so on. Anyway I can't have more time than 24 hours a day. It's a lifetime. $100 is actually very cheap. I won't waste my time anymore. I'll do only importance and valuable things. I have 15 hours a day to work and 9 hours to take a rest and sleeping. I don't believe I can achieve my goal and dream as long as I use my time effectively. Writing is still difficult for me now, but if I use all my 15 hours to write, it may be equal to 15 pages per day. If so, I can finish one book every month. It's my ambition. Now it sounds ridiculous but it's doable. What is scalable is achievable. Most people do not believe in their own ability to achieve their dreams. They just don't try and say that it's impossible to do this or that. To say that something is impossible is to decide not to try at all.

0 In the Presence of Temptation

_22.6.2021_ Anything can be a temptation. Temptation is anything that distracts someone from his traction or goal. If my goal is to write one thousand words article, anything other than that is distraction. It includes reading, checking my phone, going to toilet, eating, watching YouTube, and so on. Normally distraction seems more interesting than the goal. It often comes from inside and hard to be recognized. It can be boredom, tiredness, depression, all kinds of feeling that stop us from doing the work. It always present all the time like a predator who is ready to attack any time. It's hard to be killed because it offers pleasure and good feeling. It asks you to take a rest, to feel comfortable and happy at the time. Temptation is the greatest seducer and liar that hide inside the mind. It's easier to kill the enemy in the form of a monster than in the form of a beautiful goddess. I learn this a lot from the story of Ulysses. There is no way that a normal mortal man can resist the temptation of the Sirens. Ulysses made an agreement with his own future self. He asked his armies to tie him on a mast and must not release him no matter what he would do or say. That is how he successfully resisted the temptation. I know I can copy his method. So far I don't do it, but I know it will be very effective to do so. People often overestimate their ability to resist temptations and they fail miserably and keep failing. Today's temptation is not less seductive than the Sirens. People even think that it's what they want, to be tempted and stay being tempted. One is always choosing and choosing wrong. Smart phone is the greatest temptation for me now, and for everyone else. I just turned off my smartphone because while writing this, I'm also constantly checking Facebook, instagram, Whatapps, and YouTube. This is crazy. They got me. It's normal to check them all the time. No wonder so many people fail to achieve their goal even if the goal is just to exercise for one hour or to write an article. Behind these apps there are engineers and experts whose job is to make the users keep on line using the apps. Most people become the victims who do not even realize that they are being used by the apps. Time is the most valuable resources one can possibly have, and it is spent for nothing on those apps. I like reading and I have read thousands books. I'm confidence that I have clear mind, but still I am hooked by those apps. What about those people who do not read at all and always follow the general opinions? It seems that they are doomed. At the same time, I can't turn my phone off most of the time because I work as online English and Mandarin teacher. Internet is my workplace. So I can only turn my phone off when I need to focus and finish some work offline like writing this article. When I was working as a teacher in a school several years ago, I used Facebook all the time, always on and always checking how many people like my status and pictures I uploaded there. Now I am better. I focus better and I read more books. This temptation will always be around me because my work, my friends, my memories are there. I can't just delete it and lose everything. I know it's better that way but the feeling of lost aversion keep stopping me from doing so. So in short, I always lose to temptation. The best way not to be tempted is by removing the temptation from the very beginning. When I turn off the phone, the temptation is much less alluring. What should I do is to focus on the current task whatever it is. It's good to have a schedule and make the progress by making a report every single day. It's better in a written form like a daily note or diary. I easily forget what I really want to do if I do not make the written commitment. On the internet, information comes and goes in the speed of light. I consume hundreds of new information everyday which mostly unrelated to my dream or goal. It crowded out my brain attic and causing distraction all the time. I need to meditate for at least one hour a day to practice focus and concentration. So far I don't do that. I keep consuming those junk information and I don't see no sign of lessen the habit. I'm addicted. I know this and I need to end my addiction soon. I use pomodoros occasionally and I think it's very useful and I will use it again every day. I know my priority and should keep on the track. For now I need to improve my focus by meditation, my health by exercising, my thinking by reading, and my wealth by working as hard as I can. I need to make a schedule and follow the schedule religiously. I know that I'm getting better at self-control compare to several years ago. I'm making slow progress. Today is my chance to be better than yesterday. Writing like this keep me on my track and remind me to improve myself and watch the progress. The most useful techniques I know so far are pomodoros and Ulysses contract. Writing every morning helps me a lot as well. I will do this forever. Now I am a writer. It's ok if no one reads my writing for now. I believe if I keep writing like this, in less than ten years I will become much better writer. The ability to sit down every day and write is difficult. So many painters do not paint, writers do not write every day. Actually it's the best and fastest way to improve the skill needed to be successful later.

0 Doing vs. not doing

_20.6.2021_ Good habit is doing, bad habit is doing. It can cancel out each other. A person can do good and bad at the same time. A few bad acts can ruin great good acts. In reality you eat good healthy foods for years and accidently eat a spoon of poison, you die. What you don't do sometimes matters more than what you do. So not doing is not trivial matters. Do only what is good and it is great. So not doing is also the part of doing. Not doing harm is actually doing good. Not doing good is actually doing bad. So you are always doing, always choosing. Not doing is not neutral. Therefore doing good = doing good + not doing bad, and doing bad = doing bad + not doing good. I real life example it's often very hard to not doing bad than doing good. It's easier to exercise than not eating too much or eating unhealthy food. It's easier to work hard than not wasting time on social media. Sherlock Holmes describe this perfectly, “I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things, so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skillful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones.” (― Arthur Conan Doyle, A Study in Scarlet) It's necessary to be concise and selective. Simplicity is extremely important. When I'm writing this, I do something else, I multitask, I don't do it single mindedly. So I don't do it effectively. Focus is always a challenge nowadays for all people, for me. Sherlock's advice is spot on. I crowded out my little attic. I must meditate regularly to practice focus and patience. I should do one single thing at a time. My brain is addicted to distraction. Recognizing this is considered good. So I fix something only when I know what is wrong. Life is full of problems and it's good like that. Without problems, life will be lifeless, like a movie without enemy, so boring and monotonous. Working as hard as possible is also good. It makes life more interesting. Because all is doing, why don't do it to the optimum. Always do what is the best, never do less than that. I know that saying is easy, it's not. If you can say it, it's very likely you can do it. Never do and have something unnecessary. This is the lesson I get from Sherlock brain attic. Keep it simple. When I fail on something, the necessary to do is just try again, the unnecessary to do is complaining. It is doable and life will be easier this way. The most important question to ask when I do something is this: "Is it necessary? Is it the best thing I can do right now? I always end up doing useless things like checking social media and watching random videos on YouTube. Those things are definitely wasting my time. I better doing exercise, studying mandarin, or reading difficult books to strengthen my brain. Anytime I do not watch my thought, it will repeat unnecessary thoughts, negative thoughts, fear, worry, doubt, bad memories, over and over again. To tell the truth, I don't really read books regularly every day. I know this is very important. Instead, I always check YouTube videos and reading people's status on social media. It's the most ridiculous thing I often do and keep doing. Reading whattsap status and creating one. I wonder how things turn into something totally unintended. Is it because of my weakness of the soul? The thoughts are often out of control. It seems that it doesn't belong to me. Even when I do nothing, I can't ask my own mind to be quiet. Finally, I can only accept it and control it sometimes. I can't control it directly but I still can do something to influence it. I realize that my own mind is not me. I'm my whole sum of experiences, patterns, thoughts, and all I don't even recognize at this time. Just like my cells have their own lives, so do my thoughts. The best way to act is by acting with certainty but mindfully. I can't even control my own cells and thoughts, nothing to lose, just act freely and happily. Whatever happens in life is considered good. Life is good death is good, suffering can also be good depends on how it is perceived.

0 Self-Defeating Lie

_19.6.2021_ We lie all the time, the purpose is to protect ourselves and others. It's normal. But there's a lie that doesn't protect anyone but destroys ourselves. I call this self-defeating lie, when we lie to ourselves that we cannot do this, we cannot do that. We don't even try to find the truth, we just make assumptions. When I believe that I don't have time and extra energy to exercise, it seems true but it's definitely not true. As long as I can walk and move around, I can exercise. If I am still breathing, it means I have time. No one in this world is so busy without free time at all. Even the president of United States has time to exercise, we all have. And people also do not pursue their dream, they don't believe in themselves that they can. What separate a predator from a prey is the belief. The belief will shape the behavior and it becomes the natural law aka fate. Self-limiting belief make one act accordingly. If a student aims at the 1st position in the class and truly belief it, it's just a matter of time and method to be one. If one beliefs he can earn certain amount of money, can buy something or go somewhere, he definitely can. See around and we can see a lot of example, so many extra ordinary people who did something unbelievable. A man with one leg who can climb the highest mountain, an old mother who can run a marathon, a writer who writes hundreds books, and many more. Yet still most people believe they can't speak another language, they can earn enough money, they can't exercise, they can't write books, they can't play instrument, they can't realize their dreams. They have given up before they try. They believe that it's impossible to accomplish the dream. They agree with their own lie. No one can see the future with one hundred percent certainty. When we apply to a higher position or to propose to high class woman, how do we know that the result is definite rejection? Even rejection is better than cowardice. Normal people do not dream big. They see themselves as small and aim small. When fail to get the small aim, they feel even smaller and stop trying. They are broken inside. They are eaten up by nothing. I refer to myself when try to exercise, my body can cooperate, now I can lift 4kg barbell 10000x in a day, I believe I can lift it 20000x next month. In the future I aim at 50000x every day. It's impossible for most people because they do not try. It needs warrior mindset to do big actions. Just read the world record and we'll know that they are just normal people like us, not aliens or monsters. We can also can break the world record at anything that we really want. Life is wonderful. A man can make decisions and always choosing. It matters a lot. The true power is understanding. There is no reason to give up and not to pursue our dream. We all have the time and energy to do it. If the dream is to become rich, which is true for all people, one should work as hard as possible. Working hard alone is not enough, one must do important thing with capable people. If he works hard to clean floor for other people, he will never be rich. He must work for himself and find the right partners or use leverage. I must be able to earn when he is sleeping, or else he'll never be rich. These advises are from Naval Ravikant. It's so true. Most people work nine to five and they won't be rich by doing so. It's better to build one's own business. If someone wants to be writer, just write every single day, do not care about anything else. The chance is in five to ten years, he will have become so good at writing and people will start recognizing his works. It needs time and lots of works but it’s worth it. It's risky and seems dangerous and yet it's the right decision to make. I've seen a lot of example around me. My own family and friends, my neighbors, their world are limited by their believes. It happens to me as well. For so long time, I believed that I couldn't do this and that, and I'm afraid of so many things. I was a coward. I didn't want to fail and avoided doing anything that can fail me. I did nothing. I wanted to be writer since long ago but I didn't write. I wanted to be a painter as well and I didn't paint and draw. I was terrified. Nothing can save me accept understanding. Therefore it's always good to read more. Knowledge is true power. Now I'm not afraid of any spirit or ghost because I have read a lot of books and become rational. The world becomes brighter and more enjoyable. When I feel powerless even to something can't be seen and perceived, there's no way I can feel free and happy. Now I can learn anything freely with light heart. I can pursue my dream and no one can stop me. I do exercise every day because I believe I have time and energy and I can do that. A lot of things in my life is up to me. Whether I do it or not, it's all within my power to choose. I'm not afraid of rejection anymore. I don't see myself as small and worthless. Now if I apply for a job, I will aim at the best one, the highest salary possible. In the past I will aim the lowest possible. I was afraid to change and learn new things. Thanks to the books and videos who help me to overcome my fear and doubt. I'm happier than before.

0 Only if you really want it

_18.6.2021_ I've been to the top of the mountains many times, Ungaran Mountain, Merbabu and Semeru. I realize now that anyone can be there too if they really want it, only if they really want it. It's easy for me to say so, it's not easy for anyone who wants to try it for the first time. It's hard and long journey, walking for hours and hours, but you will make it if you really want it. Once you are there, it's easier to go again for the second time. The first is always the hardest. The distance is the same, everything is the same, what difference is the mindset, the psychology. The second time will be much easier because you have the map in your mind, you know what it takes and you know how to handle it. The greatest obstacle is inside not outside. It's the fear and doubt. You are not confident because you don't know what will happen and how to face it. The first time I decided to lift a barbell 5000 reps, It's very hard, the second time is easier, the tenth time, getting even easier and so on. Everything is hard at the beginning. Only few people indeed start doing what they want, pursuing their dream. Is your current job your dream job? The answer is "no", I have no choice. Wrong! You have unlimited choices and you are always choosing. Your current job is definitely your choice, to stay there is your choice as well. I know that you are forced by your fear. You don't do something because you are afraid and doubt. If you are brave enough, you just do it. Long ago, when the world is full of danger, the best strategy to survive is by being cautious and pessimistic all the time, now the opposite, be optimist. The chance is that you won't die from hungry or eaten by predators, therefore go pursue your dream. You can be a painter, a writer, cartoonist, and singer, gamer, anything that makes you forget the time. You won't die from hunger. Ignore your fear and doubt. Put all your eggs in one basket and have no second plan. Be all out, it's not dangerous. In five years, you will see the result. For five years or ten years, just live like an army in a world war, discipline, focus, do whatever it takes to be successful, ignore anything else. You will make it, sooner or later, no matter what. It will happen only if you really want it. It's not luck, it's natural. Try to read a difficult book, finish it no matter what, it's hard, but once you can finish one, you'll have what it takes to finish two, once you can finish two, you can finish three. You can finish ten thousand difficult books. Math is always right, but no one believe it. The logic is this if you can lift 1kg, you can lift 2kg, you can lift 3kg, and you can lift 10000kg. It should be true. People just don't believe it and don't try it themselves. If you can run 1m, you can run 2m, if you can run 2m you can run 3m, then you can run 10000m. So, if you can run 1m/s then you can run 10000m/s? Math is not reality, it's a perfect world. Number 1 is perfect, never changes, and never dies. But math is applicable. With technology, a robot can outperform a man in almost everything because it can be upgraded to unlimited progress. Nature has its limit. But most people never meet their potential. My running speed and endurance today are maybe less than 10% of my real capacity. My reading speed and endurance are also far less then my true capacity. If I try to improve one important aspect and focus, in less than 5 years I'll be able to achieve the great improvement that I never imagined before. My world is limited by my own belief. Yes my body has limit, yet I haven't seen the limit what it’s capable to do. Imagine I write for eight hours every day, seven days a week. I will meet my writing potential. If I can't apply math progressive theory to physical body because it's limited capacity, I definitely can apply this to money. If I can earn 1m per month, I can earn 1m, therefore I can earn 10000m per month. Money is just number. It's pure math. I must not limit my belief that I can only earn 10m per month for example. Income can grow to the unlimited, I just need to figure out how. I believe that people want to have beautiful body, but they don't REALLY want it. They don't want to do what it takes, they don't even bother to try or to find out how. They are ignorance on this particular problem. It's just about exercise more and often eat less. How hard to do it? To say no to pleasure is the hardest thing in the world. They do not have warrior mindset, they take victim mindset. They blame everything else for their failures. And they keep failing. Failure is not enemy, it's a great teacher, but who can learn from failure? Instead of learning, they blame it. They kill the messenger. I realize that I do the same, kill the messenger, and blame him for delivering bad news. I need to wake up now. The first thing I need to do is to take responsibility of my life. If I really want to do something, I have the reason to do it and really do it no matter what. If I want to be a writer, I write every day, start with small and keep going, one page, then two, then three. I know I have what it takes to do it, the right attitude, the warrior mindset. I won't give up or make excuses not to do so. I won't blame anyone or anything. This is my own responsibility, if I fail I will learn and get better the next time. The obstacles is inside, the fight is inside. No matter what happen, I'll sit to the last sentence. Before that, I won't move. For now it's one page only to the end of this month. It's about one thousand words. In July, I will start with two thousand words. I really want to be a writer even if no one will read the books later, I don't care, even if I got no money at all, I just want to write. It's happening now.

0 Unhappy Life

_17.6.2021_ I'm happy as long as people around me are also happy. It's never about me alone. When people fight around, or have terrible quarrel, or have misfortunes, happiness is almost impossible. Money can't buy happiness but it can prevent unhappiness and problems caused by the lack of money. I still firmly believe in Spinoza's definition that power equals happiness. People get sick is basically losing power, so they are unhappy. Poor people are unhappy for the same reason, they are lack of power. Spinoza also argued that understanding is the real power. Therefore there is only one way to be truly happy, understanding. I see unhappy people everywhere. I wonder if it's my own reflection. And I can't help them. People are overwhelm with their problems. They don't see life as a game, but as a fight. They suffer when they think they lose. If they can see life as a game, when losing just try again with the same happiness and enthusiasm, life won't be so miserable. So to be happy, one must aim at power, to be truly happy, one must aim at knowledge and understanding. Powerful people do not want easy life. It's boring and give them no chance to exercise their power. Understanding people will not have false irrational expectation that will cause disappointment in life. Buddha said, "Life is suffering". Knowing is accepting. It's a kind of power to expect the worse to happen every day without bitterness. It's the nature of life. No one can escape this truth. Everyone will lose everything he or she ever had, people they love, youth, beauty, even their own life. Knowing that suffering will come every day to visit me, I feel less unhappy. It's inevitable and become normal. Just like all women have their periods every month. The different between good and bad is often just the interpretation we take on the subject. Being poor for example, Sages choose to live with only few possessions and feel free and happy because of it. So many people working two or three jobs to have more stuffs but they have no time for themselves and for their family. They worry most of the time and fear about people opinions. People actually do not care whether they are poor or rich. Why bother to look rich but have poor life and always on work all the time. There are countless reason to be unhappy. The first one should be poor health, second one is poor relationship, third is lack of understanding and knowledge, lack of money, accidents, failures, and so on. I refer to myself that lacking money often bring worry and insecurity. If living alone, I can live like a monk and don't care about others' opinions. Having family, I want to make them happy, giving what they want, provide security and comfort. Lately I listened to podcasts and watched videos about motivation to be rich. I read books as well. In short, to be rich, I should not renting out my time. I need to work as hard as I can to build my own products and sell them. If I work for a company, I spend at least eight hours working plus one or two hours commuting. It roughly ten hours a day. If I use these ten hours to write, just write and do nothing else, in a year I will have finished several books or novels. Why don't I choose this road, the road less taken? Most people will go for the obvious options, working for others in order to get monthly salary. It's the safest road to go in this life. Doing so I will never be successful and no one will remember me after I die. Building my own business will be different. It's unknown road and not necessarily safe as well. Independence and self-reliance are very important but also cooperation and teamwork. According to Epicurus, happiness requires three things, friends, freedom (access, money) and wisdom (knowledge). Most people will focus on money alone. Therefore they forget to aim at knowledge and relationships. Among the three, money is just small part of freedom. It's often unnecessary most of the time. Media misled people and lead them to unhappy life. Money is dangerous because it opens all access to both good and evil. It's like a loaded gun, it can give you protection but can endanger you as well. You feel safe but depend on it too much. If one has knowledge and friends, money is great blessing. If no knowledge, money can attract danger easily. This is described perfectly in a short story by John Stainbeck, "The Pearl". Finding the biggest and most beautiful pearl brings a lot of misfortunes into his life. He loses his son, his house and his faith to people and society, and people target him to take the pearl from him. At the end, he throws away the pearl to get his peaceful life again.

0 Getting Better Slowly

_16.6.2021_ Overtime people do not get better automatically, they get slightly worse. Those who get better are those who aim at it. Most people I know don't have better body shape compare to ten years ago. They are heavier, fatter, and weaker. This happened because they don't have plan with their body. They don't aim to make it better and better. Our body is the most concrete thing in the world and we carry it everywhere. I wonder why most people neglect their own body. If they have very expensive car, the definitely will take care of it with extra caution. But the body who has the highest value, they seem do have much care. The best way to get better is by doing better every day and inprove slowly. For the body; exercise, healthy foods, sleep well, drink water. We can improve exercise slowly over time. One can run one kilometer every day, and increace the distance over time. It will be easy to run ten kilometer every day If he keep improving every time. Last week I started lifting barbel 1000x and this week I can lift 5000x, next week I believe I can lift 10000x everyday. Improvement is not that difficult. It's the mindset that makes it hard. If one really aim at improvement and spend his entire time and energy to do it, it's just about time. Most people do not have patient to wait for the result, when they do not see it after awhile, they then give up. Especially today, people get used to instant gratification. Social media, youtube, and instagram give instant gratification and it makes people loss their patient. People do not read books anymore, it's too long and difficult. It's better to suffer a little everyday and then get big result in the end than get small result every day and get big loss in the end. Improvement need little suffering every day, working as hard as one can, and be patient with the result. The result is not unpredictable. It's the law of nature. If one plants trees, they will grow slowly to the tallest and biggest possible as long as they got what they need to grow. With the body, most people think it's not their doing. It's the fate from God and they can't do anything about it. Most people will never see their beautiful and strong body. It remains as a potential that never becomes reality. How come people give up their body for little pleasure everyday, for junkfood, sugar, cola, and fries? It seems absurd but it's collosal, even small people bended their knees to those small pleasures. Those small pleasures take their power bit by bit everyday. They are hooked and addicted. They think it's their free will to do it. They are manipulated by big companies and they don't care. It feeds their ego and release their stress of life. To get better slowly is to suffer little bit every day. Doing exercise and eating healthy foods. They are not actually suffering, but compare to eating whatever you can eat, and watching TV, They can be consider as little suffering every day. The habit gives people little power every day bit by bit. The suffering is lessen over time, then they need to put the bar higher, to add the difficulties. By doing so, they can improve their power. The cycle involves suffering and most people do not want to take the road. People just want to feed their ego, they do and have what they don't need at all. No one needs to eat dougnut, pizza, french fries. No one needs to get likes on social media. When people like their pictures on facebook, they don't really care about it. They just do it over boredom and they forget what they like after several seconds. I used to check my facebook hundreds times a day to check how many people like my pictures. And I scroll the endless stuffs there without any purpose at all, picture after picture, videos after videos. It's a rollercoaster of feeling, envy, jealous, wonder, angry, disgust and so on. It's a wonderland where everyone becomes different person, their edited version of life. They think they become celebrities and people care. Even to real celebs, people don't care. People get worse and worse in term of self control. Their self control has been rob by feeding ego algoritm most of the time. They spend 5 to 10 hours on social media. They loss the time and their critical thinking on things. They get the stage to orcherstrate their ego, if they are religious people, they pray, share sermons and speech, quotes, whatever there. If they are married, they share their kids and vacations, if they are single, they share their selfies and adventures there, They show their persona, they are successful, happy, social, religious, angelic, they have great personality. In short, it's perfect life. It's not more than big fat lie. Their real life sucks. They are unhappy and disappointed. They have no real power, therefore they need social validation. They live miserable life. I used to be one of them. I wasted my time and I didn't improve myself. Imagine I spend 5 hours to do anything useful like exercise, reading books, work on my novel or painting instead of checking social media feeds. Now I start writing every day and creating youtube videos. If I started this 5 years ago, it will be better. I lost ten years on social media. I regret this the most, wasting my youth and potential for nothing. Indeed I get friends and opportunities as well, but it can't be compared by the precious time that I spent mindlessly. Social media makes people get bored very easily. And it provides the answer; more entertainment and new stuffs every second. People experience constant feedback and have new experience. They can't stop scolling and can't stop coming back soon after they close the app. It's dangerous because it manipulates the brain in real time all the time. With less and less self control, people will behave more and more mindlessly.

0 Be Stubborn

_16.6.2021_ I do write this out of stubbornness. Stubborn is very importance to finish anything. It's the combination between persistence and enthusiasm. I sit down facing blank page on my monitor, I don't know what to write, I just promise myself to write every day about anything. I do this in the morning every single day forever. The past myself was very different person in term of finishing what I had started. I often stopped in the middle of doing anything. I didn't reach the finished line. I gave up just like that. I attempted writing in the past as well and ended up unwell. Now I start again with new weapon, motivation and understanding of human psychology. Lately I learned to be persistence doing hard things. I want to get better and become more powerful. Only being stubborn is not enough. To write well, I need to know a lot of things deeply. Writing is like repeating the mind. If my mind is empty, I have nothing to write about. Most people have very little to talk about. The brain repeat them again and again thousands times. This is why reading is very important. If one wants to be a writer, he must read widely. For example to write about design I should know about it first. If I don't have any idea about it, there is no way I can elaborate my thought on it. The first assignment for every single person is to keep his health. I think it's very important to shape the body as well. I want to have beautiful and strong body. If I really do it every day consistently, it's just about time to have beautiful and strong body. What makes it difficult is that I can't see the result in the short term. Like planting trees, most people tend to plant vegetables to get faster result than say sengon tree. If they really plant 100 sengon trees, in ten years they will have 100x 2 million. It's 200 million in total. They don't have the patient to play long term game and therefore they will never have 200 millions in their accounts. Assume that only 50% of the tree will reach the target, they can still have 100 million. It's the case. One must play the long term game and become very good at it, become number one player in the field. Rather than renting out their time and labor and get monthly salary, it’s better to work for oneself whatever it is. If one wants to be a writer just write like ten pages every day for ten years. If one wants to be a painter just paint a painting every day for ten years. It need time to be recognized and then to trusted. To be persistence and keep the enthusiasm are very important. If one does this strategy, he will live miserable and poor for about ten years and after that he will be happy and rich. Learning the lesson is easier when one experience it by himself and has urgency, to feed himself and his family. If one have monthly salary and feel safe, it will weaken the mind and he will lose the focus to fight for his own agenda. I can see clearly that playing long term game is not easy at all. Shaping body, building a house, building a business, marriage, all important things are long term games. I'm grateful I realize it now. I start it now even if it's a bit late. I write every day, exercise every day, and uploading videos on my YouTube channel every day. If I started ten years ago, now I can see the result and enjoy better life. What I learn from this habit is that, more I do it, easier it becomes. Writing becomes easier, exercise, and editing videos are also the same. It's all mindset. When I have this mindset I see the world differently. I see problems differently. They are not scary anymore. They are my companions and teachers to strengthen my skills. Now I would prefer planting 10 years trees to 1 month trees. Few people play the long term games. They do not know and cannot see far ahead and just don't join the game. In the past, I had no idea how to get rich in ten years. I wasted my time and money a lot. I didn't save at all, I spent all I got and left nothing for the future. Lucky enough that I like reading and watching lectures on YouTube. Therefore now I start to realize what was wrong with my habit in the past and I know how to fix it. I was so ridiculous spending more than 5 hours on social media and busy reading comments. I feel ashamed now. I checked my Facebook hundreds times in a day, I watched entertainment on YouTube most of the time, I didn't really exercise and work hard but I felt tired by the end of the day. I abandoned a lot of important things. Now I'm focusing on building a YouTube channel and on writing. I aim at writing a book or a novel in the short future. I'm exercising my writing muscles to be stronger every day. Writing is very easy actually. It's just like speaking, I can just speak all the time about anything. I just need to find the listeners. Technology is very helpful, someone somewhere is maybe interested to listen and read my ideas. I shared my experiences and worries and hopes. It needs time to realize what is obvious. I didn't take the common advices seriously because I was ignorance at the time. Now I'm getting older and better at listening to advices. I can differentiate better between what is truly important and what is wasteful. I'm enthusiastic to see my future self. What kind of person I'll become. With current trajectory I believe in ten years, I have great beautiful body and I can write very well. I probably have written two or three novels by that time. I will have few children and have a lot of adventures. I'm very positive and optimistic now. It's not naive, I know I'm playing long term game. I can long live trees and have pictures them in the next ten years. I work hard for myself, to realize my dreams.

0 The Consequences

_14.6.2021_ There are a lot of uncertainties in life. It's because a lot of unknown details. What is unknown causes uncertainties. One is always choosing. When he chooses, he depends on his own understanding, even a thief thinks that his action is his best option at the time no matter the reason behind that. The problem is that why most people make the wrong decision most of the time. It is always between two decisions, yes or no. It's a binary system that create the whole new world, computer language. When one says yes to junk food, cola, instant noodles, snacks, games, doing nothing, the consequences are poverty, bad body shape, weakness of body and mind. If one says yes to working hard, meditation, reading, exercise, eating healthy foods, focus, the consequences are fit body and successful career. The combination of yes-no series create the whole world of a person. Most people do not realize that their life is all the decisions he makes. It creates pattern. Realizing this, one can change and shape his/her own destiny. It's a bad faith to believe that the current condition is permanent and unchangeable. If I make a decision starting from today I lift a dumbbell ten thousand times every day religiously, no day off for years, in a year or two, my body shape will change, my strength will change, and my pattern will change. I create my own life whether it concerns to my economic condition, health, relationship, all. There are always unknown details that play roles in the pattern. But it's not significant and can be ignored generally. The focus is to what I can do now. I should not rely on good luck, I should work hard on it with all I got. I used to think that everything was a fate, no matter what I do, it won't change the final result. Now I see that no one can hit the target he doesn't aim at. Random shooting definitely will hit something, not the target. I can only write every day after I make the decision to do it. It applies to everything in life. Now I'm getting married because I made the decision to marry someone and asked her for marriage. In the past I would wait for magical moment that never happened. If I want good body shape, I have to do it myself, no magic can transform me into one. The magic is called, hard work, determination, focus and persistence. What percentage one can get athletic body without intention to do it at all, let it happen naturally? Almost zero. But for the one who aim at it, and do it no matter what, the result is almost one hundred percent. So everything depend on the mindset. What separate people is the habit. It's the series of small decision of yes and no. Successful people take responsibilities on their life. They create their own luck. I can have clean and tidy room if I make one, I can have dirty and messy one as well. It's a hundred percent up to me, not fate nor luck. When dealing with complicated thing people often make no decision. He doesn’t know what to do, and leave it to destiny. It happens all the time. Everything seems so complicated. No one knows how to be rich, happy, peaceful of mind, successful. Rely on hard work alone is never enough. People work hard eight to ten hours every day and get nothing more than just standard minimum income. It's because he becomes a slave for other. He doesn't know how to be free man. No one ever told him how, not their parents nor their teachers. Instead they said, it's fate, destiny, luck. This mindset creates poverty and slavery. One's condition is not a death sentence that can't be altered. Happiness and success are possible for everyone. The conseuences are neutral. They are the natural law that side to no one. If you do this, therefore this will happen. If you do nothing, nothing will happen. Wherever you go, there you are. Very simple concept but people still don't get it. If you turn on the light, it's on, if you turn off the light, it's off. No one is special in the face of nature, it's fair for all. The time is 24 hours a day for a king and 24 hours a day for a slave, all the same. Therefore if one wants to be rich, he needs to find out how and then just do it, make it as his priority. He will get there sooner or later. What is seen as impossible is merely a decision not to try it. It's not impossible for me to be very rich, to have great body shape and health, to be wise and happy. To have a house, one must build one or buy one, not only wish and pray. One should never blame bad luck or anything for his current condition, it's just the consequenses from his own actions in the past. If yesterday I read a book, today I have some memory and new knowlege about it. The connection is clear and direct. If I painted my wall pink yesterday, today I see pink wall. I will never have pink wall if I just wish and pray to have pink wall. Wish and pray must be transformed into real action. No one can or will do it for you. You are the only one who will change your condition. It's your decision and responsibility to do that.