0 High Expectation

_7.4.2021_ I love trees. I see them as the perfect example of gradual progress. They grow to the maximum, no rush and no drama. It's calm and keeps growing. If I can learn from the tree, to do one thing only and calmly keep going, I know I will be successful. To focus with one thing only is very challenging. I distract myself. I am the distraction. I have high expectation to be successful as soon as possible. It's good to have that ambition. Yet it often doesn't work. It's the drama in the head. What often work is simply little by little. "It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it" (Lou Holtz). I can't lift more than 60 kg at once, but I can move a mountain as heavy as 60 million kg little by little. This is how I climb mountains, a step by a step. I know that I waste my time most of the time. I don't focus on one thing. Everything is easy if I focus and keep going until it's done. If I want to read a book every day, it's doable. Just focus on that. Sometimes I even do multitasking activities. I think it's the best way to save time and accomplish a lot in short time. I know it doesn't work. I need to learn to focus. While writing this, I check my phones several times. That's the typical attitude I have. I check how many people like my status update. It's ridiculous and useless, but I do it. I'm addicted to my phone. I put a tag price on my time. Now I officially announce it here, $100 per hour. I will behave accordingly. I won't do anything cost less than that. No one will ever value me than myself. So I can only do what is important and valuable. If I really do this, I know success is not luck anymore, it's so certain. So far I often fail because the goal is not specific and the method to achieve it is not specific as well. If the goal is to go to the top of a mountain and the method is by walking, I will get there after walking for about ten hours. It's very simple if I do it without drama. Now I must never waste another minute in my life doing anything that doesn't support my goal. People often have high expectation without specific method how to meet their own expectation. It's too abstract to be achieved. Confucius said, one must be specific to be successful. Do not confuse yourself with unspecific words. I need to make a schedule to myself. So I know what I screw up from there. The schedule is the representation of my time and energy. If I do not state myself clearly on a simple schedule, I often get lost in my stupidity, doing what is unnecessary most of the time. This is how I become poor at my age. I can't let it happen any longer. What is done can't be undone. It becomes the lesson that I learn to be better. I should make gradual change through atomic habit, slow but steady. In the competition between rabbit and turtle, the turtle win albeit his slow pace of walking. He has the right attitude, the speed one centimeter per second is enough as long as it is focus and persistence. Some trees grow less than one millimeter per hour, but over time it can grow tall and big. The key is to focus and persistence. I often use reading as another example, if I read one word per second which is very slow, I still can read a book in several days. High expectation often fail and causing unhappiness. People give up too soon because they have high expectation. The expectation is often to achieve it easily, no big problems, no uncertainty and randomness, no volatility. It's a drama of mind. It's better to have clear and detail method and be realistic. In "Outliers" a famous book by Malcom Gladwell, one needs to spend approximately ten thousand hours practicing until he can master the skill. It's equal to ten hours a day for three years or three hours a day for ten years. It's true that success is not easy. It's all hard work for long time. Most people do not realize this and give up easily after few efforts. It's about understanding and attitude. If you know that you will fail continuously for years to have warrior mindset and become anti-fragile, you won't give up that soon because you know what to expect. You won't be surprised and broken by failures. Naval Ravikant said that life is a single player game. It means that we play against ourselves. On my phone I have this kind of game. The enemy is my own limited skill, the purpose is to improve the skill through practices. After I fail hundreds times, normally I can go to the next level. It's indeed to difficult at the beginning. I really need to fail hundreds times to finish a level. It's all on me to keep going or to give up and stay in the same level for days, weeks, or forever. It depends merely on my mindset and attitude. My old-self as well as most people give up very easily. I dislike uncomfortable feeling of being a failure and struggle to clear the challenges. Now I will put myself together and keep going. I should defeat my ego before I can defeat the obstacles in the game. With the right expectation and clear method, I know I will make it. That's how successful work. It's highly predictable and achievable as long as it's scalable. I know I will be successful in about ten years. Now I'm starting to play the game with the right expectation. I won't waste my time and energy to sabotage myself. I'll get focus and persistence. What if I fail? It's good, I need to fail thousands times in a day to be anti-fragile and keep going playing the game. In the past my ego didn't allow me to continue. I stopped and tried to forget about it. I distract myself with mindless entertainments on social media. Now I start to understand and develop warrior mindset. I welcome failure, randomness, obstacles, volatility and all kinds of problems. It's the way to get there. I'm ready for all of that. Do not wish me luck, I do not need it anymore.

0 Success is very slow process

_7.3.2021_ Naturally success is slow progress. If you plant a tree and you check every day how it grows, you will realize that it's very slow. It is indeed. People do not understand this principle. They want it fast. It won't happen as they wish. I exercise lifting barbell every day, I can't see that my biceps and triceps are growing daily. It's probably yearly process. Only if I do it every single day for years it will start getting noticeably bigger. The same as learning language. I learn Chinese language, daily it seems I make no progress, but this year is much better than last year. The key of success is working hard every day and be patient to see the result. I won't be able to see the result in ten years. Success never happens suddenly. It's a luck. It doesn't exist in nature. You can't plant a banyan tree and the next day suddenly it grows ten meters tall by luck. It's struggling and toiling every day for years, ten to fifteen years to reach ten meters tall. Nature is always fair for all. It's never violates its own law. I do not notice this until just recently. If I keep lifting barbell every day for the next ten years, that time I will notice my arms are bigger than most people's. It's ok that no one notice my progress. The most important thing is that I know it's happening gradually. I never notice that I change every day from a little baby boy into an adult. It's happening in the background no one can see it. To be successful at anything I just need to make sure the daily little progress. Most people fail to be successful because they stop before it's visible. They neglect the tree they planted because it doesn't seem growing at all. They have no patient to wait for ten to fifteen years. Not only waiting, they must work hard every single day for that, for the growth they unable to see. If they truly measure it, they will be able to see the tiny progress over some period of time. It's measurable and happen with high certainty. I wonder why no one ever told me at school. I had wrong expectation about success and I gave up in the middle of the way most of the time because I thought if I couldn't see it sooner, it was a failure. Years ago, I studied Japanese. I stopped doing it because I couldn't speak Japanese fluently after I studied for several months. I gave up with a conclusion that it was difficult language, I couldn’t master it. I failed. I didn't make another attempt. Now I know if I just study the language for one hour every day and keep studying for ten years, I will be able to master it. It's very slow progress. Giving up is not an option at all. One hour seems so hard at the beginning, but after one hundred times, it becomes easy. After one thousand times, it becomes natural. I know I can do it. Everyone can do it either. It's easy with the right strategy. The first step is to build the habit, atomic habit. Start with tiny time and energy every day. Once the habit is established, then improve it gradually. Create the habit first and never think to improve it before the habit is rooted strongly. Most people are impatient to see the result and then they start with big. When they don't see the result, they give up and try something else. They are destined to fail with such attitude. It's the ideal story of success. In reality it's rare. Most people do not make progress even after ten or twenty years doing the same thing. The reason is that they just reach the first stage of success, establishing the habit. They do the same thing over and over again, but they do not step forward. They master the first level but they do not step to the next level. They do not challenge themselves. People are afraid to do what they cannot do yet. Doing what they cannot do means certain fail. It needs a lot of failures before it becomes easy. After that, continue to another challenge. Unwilling to fail is unwilling to improve. Most people just want to look good, to save their face and to impress others. They do not aim to be real good and capable. To be real good, one must put himself in a position as failures every day for years because he keeps moving and doing what he cannot do yet. Once he masters a level, he goes to the next level to experience another thousands of failures. I never meet a person who gets his or her strength and success from luck. He suddenly wakes up one day and find one million dollar, or he wakes up one day and suddenly speaks Mandarin fluently without ever toiling every day to master it. It never happened before and will never happen in the future. Maybe one person is lucky enough to win a lottery, but it also needs effort. To win a lottery, maybe he has bought the lottery routinely for years. Even dumb-luck happens not without a reason at all. "Every day is a new day. It is better to be lucky. But I would rather be exact. Then when luck comes you are ready” (Ernest Hemmingway, "The Old Man and The Sea"). Edison said, "Success is ninety nine percent hard work and one percent luck." It's always hard work that counts. We do not want to hear this simple truth. We'd rather have a shortcut, the easy way to get there as fast as possible. This mentality is the mentality of weak and lazy people. They hope they won't encounter with big problems, and success will come easily to them. Millions people keep that dreaming from the siren song. Success is like a black swan, it's a rare event that happens to those who truly look for it. To be able to find it, one must aim to be anti-fragile. Anti-fragile means to embrace problems, uncertainty, obstacles, variations, volatility in life. The typical journey is losing and suffering every day until one day finding the black swan, a success encountered. Typical people choose the opposite way, the turkey way. It gain little every day but one day bad luck happened, it's killed for thanksgiving. An entrepreneur works hard every day and experience loss after loss after loss until one day he becomes successful, normal worker gets monthly salary for years until one day he gets fired for some reason. That's the black swan way and the turkey way.

0 Love is a decision

_2.7.2021_ There are more problems to come then what is expected in a relationship. Problems are the fuel of the fire if the flame is big enough. Those who haven't encountered a lot of problems are still unreliable, probably fragile. For example for one who loves painting or drawing. He finds that his families do not appreciate his enthusiasm and dream. They want him to be a doctor or a lawyer. But in spite of all odds he doesn't give up on his dream. He does everything he can and keep failing. If he truly love painting, none of all these setbacks will lessen his love. He will be anti-fragile and nothing can't stop him from pursuing his dream to be a great painter. Most people will just stop, the real enemy is within. This is the same as a relationship. There will be lots lots of problems sooner or later. Those who wish that they do not encounter problems are fragile and weak. It will break sooner or later. Decision making is often involve complex considerations. Not to make a decision means we let other people to make the decision for us. To let it happen is to give up on our own freedom and self-empowerment. People who love themselves they will do what is the best and be the best version of themselves. Love involve sacrifice, the more you love, the more sacrifice you offer. If I love my body and I exercise every day, it's not hurting the body, it makes it strong and meet its potential. Some people will think that loving their body means eating delicious foods and having fun, laying lazily most of the time, make it as comfort as possible. It's stupid love. The purpose of love is to attain the flourishing and fullest potential. I ask myself, what I plan for my body, my career, my relationship, and so on. I can't answer these questions with 100% certainty. I haven't decided yet. Am I not serious about myself? Maybe it's about fear and doubt. Everyone wants to be successful and happy. Yet they haven't made the decision. If one really makes a decision and sticks to that, I believe that he will be successful sooner or later. The only one who stops someone from pursuing his career is himself. I know a good movie about total dedication on pursuing a dream, the title is "Perfume; the story of a murderer". It's an inspirational and eye-opening movie. I want to be one like him. To have unstoppable behavior in pursuing my goal. Now I still have self-defeating behavior. I keep sabotaging myself. Now I set off my journey at writing. I write every single day like a ritual. Every morning I face my blank page, my fear and doubt. I promise myself to do it every day for ever as long as I live. There is always doubt whether it's a good decision, whether people will one day recognize me and read my writing and so on. Most people just want the reward and not the activity itself. If I want to do it without any reward at all, then I am ready to set off. I will be successful writer, someone who writes everyday no matter what. It's getting easier now after a month. I recognize this process well as my journey to be a vegetarian. It was hard at the beginning and getting easier over time. Now I am a vegetarian for ever. Success with one habit, I start to build another one which is writing. It feels good and powerful. When I do thing not for money but for the sake of the activity itself, it means I love it. The goal is to built the habit and after that to improve it constantly. People are often unhappy when they fall in love and they face problems. The reason is that he is unconsciously always expecting the best outcome for them. They think what can I get from her, not what can I give for her. The ego is the enemy. It's the cause of unhappiness in a relationship and in pursuing goal and career. The way to be successful is to keep failing and getting up and learn from the experience. If I'm willing to fail, I'm willing to try doing what I can't do at the moment. If I hate failing, I won't try anything that I know will fail me. Failing is really the way to success and happy life. More I fail, more I learn, and I get better faster. Now I know what to do and how to do it. But it's just the start. To know and to do/act on it are two different things. I know if I read a book for 8 hours, I will finish it. I want to do it, but something stop me in the middle of my effort. It's resistance. The resistance can be anything. Normally it's more pleasurable activities such as checking social media, lying down, watching TV, and so on. It always appears and wins the battle. It's the siren song that turns people into madness and kills them. I need to behave like Ulysses, to restrain myself from my own stupidity. Will power will never win over temptation. Once I make a decision, I should not turn back. I need to keep going no matter what. Even if I see the darkness in front of me. It needs courage to keep going albeit all the odds. It's all about decision making and decision making depends on my understanding. I made thousands wrong decisions in the past because I was ignorance. I learn from that and it creates me today. There is no reason to be unhappy about it. What I couldn’t get, it was simply not for me. I learn to accept anything and keep going. Santiago said in "The Old Man and The Sea", "Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is." Life can be a drama or an adventure. It depends on how we believe and behave on what happens every day. Finally, to love is to take responsibility and to sacrifice. It's more about giving than taking. Love is a decision.