0 Start from zero

_14.7.2021_ Competition is the easy part. The real work is done behind the scenes. When the world sleeps or relaxes, you work. (Usain Bolt) I try to understand the general principle of success. It's the decision to take what is hard rather than what is easy. It's 24 hours a day, yet most people really do their work for less than five hours. When I really use pomodoros, I can track my working hours. It rarely hit 8 pomodores. People do not really dedicate their time and energy and focus to do whatever they believe necessary for their goal. It's easier to mindlessly watching TV or YouTube videos. When people say that they want to be something or to do something, they do not really mean it. They do not do whatever it takes to make it into reality. I often say that I want to be a painter. I do nothing to get there, not even one pomodoro a day. They are just like me. I think about this over and over again. What I really want to be. The reality is that I do not want to sacrifice, I want to enjoy every day and every time with entertainment, no hard work, no striving. Now I realize that my attitude was wrong. I need to write my goal and see it every single day and do whatever it takes to make it real. It's definitely not working for others. They ask too many requirements and those requirements aren't really essential to the work. They give only enough money to the worker in order to work again and stay at work. This is the irony, instead of pursuing my dream, now I'm looking for a job that can give me monthly salary. I wife wants me reliable income. It's my fault that I waste my time and energy and money in the past. Now there's no time to wait for another ten years to start a new business. The best I do is to do it as a side job. I know that it's actually no one faults, not even mine. In the past, I was different person. I didn't think about marriage and so on. I didn't think about building a business in order to be rich. I always liked to live simple carefree life. Now I am different person. I should start from zero again as a new person. I can imagine myself wake up one day as a crazy man. People do not care about whatever I do, even walking naked on the street won't bother them much. No one cares because no one knows me personally. I am a stranger, an alien, a crazy man. That's actually the ugly truth is. No one really cares about others. Especially if they do not know you. There is no reason to impress others and to do what is expected by others. Just live freely and bravely. All pleasure is just a matter of body and mind sensation. No one is really important, not Bezos, not Gates, not, Musk, no one. Life is a single player game. It's just me and the game. The game is in my mind. Whether I win or lose, it doesn't really matter as well. Important thing is that I play well. Bad things can happen anytime, good things must be earned to happen. It needs work hard for years. But it's okay. Happiness can only happen through work. To be born as a prince, one can't be happy if he doesn't work hard. He will only become an object. The same happens to a beautiful girl, she can only be an object of lust without ever has chance to see the potential she has a human being. Pleasure doesn't make people truly happy. People just do not realize it yet, therefore they pursue pleasure. They fall into consumerism lifestyle. More they have, more miserable they feel. Every action bring consequences in it. Eat more food, in no time one will be fat and ugly. When the foods do not feel as pleasurable as before, at the time the consequences already happened. It's like a punishment for doing what is normal. But working every day over years will turn into reward while the work doesn't feel hard anymore. It feels like a reward for doing what is normal. Always choose to work hard, not for others as a slave, but for self-development. Indeed it's easy to say and hard to do. I think everyone need to learn discipline and using tool to measure it every single day. I use pomodoro technique and it works well so far. I can combine this with Ulysses pact go ensure the success. I know myself that temptation is always win over will power. To be successful, one must have a strategy just like what Ulysses did when facing Sirens. I know that I write the same thing over and over again because writing is basically repeating my thoughts. To write is to think clearly and more focus. I my mind, it always a monologue about everything over and over again. Therefore reality is shaped by the mindset, by what I believed. So my reality is the projection of my thoughts. By writing it, I can analyze it and remove what is unnecessary and useless which occupy more than 80% of my mind. Sometimes I want to be someone else, like Diogenes who can live carefree from others opinions. The hell is not the others but oneself. I create my own hell. No one knows what I'm thinking about, I should be free to think and imagine about anything. I should dream big and beautiful. And I should pursue my dreams no matter what people think about it, or what I think what people think about it. It's not too late to start over from zero again. If I think that life is difficult, it is just my own imagination. It's not difficult for others, not for Diogenes who only had a cup to drink, and he even threw it away after he saw a boy drank from his hands. Life is not difficult, I make it difficult and try to blame others, the world, and the situation. I can live like Diogenes and be happy if I want, or I can live like a crazy person who is actually like Diogenes, carefree from all.