0 Motivation doesn't work, reward and punishment do

_17.7.2021_ Illness is the most heeded of doctors: to goodness and wisdom we only make promises; pain we obey. (Marcel Proust) I have to admit this myself that motivation doesn't work. I watch motivation videos every day to motivate me, it fails, again and again. I think how good it is if I can always do what is necessary by motivating myself to do it. It sometimes works for a while and then it stops working. On the other hand punishment always work. Punishment can come from oneself or others, sometimes from society or family. I hate this idea that what works is what is painful. I believe that it's immoral to coerce others even to do what is good. Reward and punishment only work for a short time. Once the reward and punishment are not there, the behavior will disappear. It doesn't last for long period of time. The best example is policemen. When they graduate from police academy, they have a good shape, but several years after that, majority of them ruin their body shape. They are overweight, not better than normal people. The discipline of exercise disappear just few years after graduation. I believe that people go to work every day their whole life because of reward and punishment. The reward is the salary and the punishment is being kicked out of the company if they do not do it as the requirement. They sign a contract and they know for sure the consequences. This method is very effective as long as the reward and punishment present. It doesn't matter whether people are happy or not, it's not the concern. The thing is that they do the work. It's proven method along history. When no real reward and punishment, doing something consistently is very hard, especially something difficult like learning a new language, drawing, painting, or dancing. Any skill needs deliberate practice for years to be obtained. Relying on motivation only is often too naive. Motivation is like emotion. It's not reliable at all. The most discipline person in the world is maybe Immanuel Kant. His discipline comes from deep understanding. Different from military discipline, it comes from reward and punishment. As long as the reward and punishment are there, it works really well. I must use this knowledge to improve myself. To build a skill is a long journey. It needs hard work every single day and the reward will be in ten years. It's very hard to see the reward at this time, people often lose their motivation very soon. I can refer this to myself. I fail every single day to meet my target. Discipline is the key of success. Discipline is a habit that must be build every day and be monitored all the time. If I do not write this daily note, I won't even realize that I keep failing every single day just to keep simple habits. When I do not pay attention closely to how I spend my time, I will just waste it all. I am a reader who does not read, a painter who does not paint. I do something else that is not in my schedule, not in my plan. Pleasure beats me, I bend my knees shamelessly and admit defeat. I know the consequences and still make the wrong decision based on my feeling at the time. I do not do what I know is right to do, I do what feels good. I feel like a kid facing marshmallow. Powerless to focus to the far future. But I try to be positive, to make the right decision in the middle of temptations. Just like this writing, I know I can finish it albeit my feeling. I feel sleepy and unmotivated to do this now but it's like a vow to do it every single day forever without any exception. It's just one page of normal daily note, nothing special. I know I can do this even when I have no idea at all. Nothing among the habit I try to establish is hard. Even to do what is easy is not easy if it involves discipline. What beats me, beats everyone else. When relying on motivation basically I rely on moods and feelings. It's hard to control what I don't understand. I'm often surprised how unreliable my will power and moods. I can't let this happen any further and yet I still do not know how to control them properly. They key is self-management. I'm still my not-so-good version of myself. Now I'm really sleepy. This is called resistance. I won't let this stop me from finishing a simple daily note. Being sleepy I can wash my face or even my body. I do not understand why my feelings try to sabotage my logic. I feel like punching my own face to wake me up from this lethargic and sleepy feeling. Why my mind creates this unnecessary drama. It's just a small routine that I have done for almost two months. Maybe I really need to sign a Ulysses contract to punish myself when I neglect my important routines. I should hang it on the wall and read it every single day. As a teacher I always motivate my students to study hard, and yet to motivate myself to do the same is not easy at all. This is as difficult as to flatten my stomach. Maybe unconsciously I always use the word "difficult, hard," and any other word that has negative meaning. I do not know. What I know that it's not the last battle. Tomorrow the battle will start again, the drama will be played again in my mind. Whether I win or lose, it depends on my preparation and strategy. Now I win, I have finished one more daily note.