0 Hell Is Other People

January 8, 2014 at 8:40pm

from my place it looks so terrible. everyone is yelling at each other. i have no idea what's in their mind but i believe i already did it right. yes i feel sorry for them but i can't help it. maybe to be a teacher is not my best specialty. i can work at other field. in which everyone can yell at each other freely. and i don't need to worry what people will think about that. actually i maybe just afraid what people think about it. i feel ok with my ability to teach. i just cannot make them be quiet. i don't know why. it's not easy to manipulate people without reward and punishment, but i don't want to use them. reward and punishment are not good instrument in teaching i believe. i want to teach them responsibility and consciousness that they do something because it's necessary to do, not because the reward or the punnishment they will get by doing it. maybe i want to write, to live alone somewhere in a quiet place and put all my ideas on a book. maybe i don't need much money and external validation, maybe i don't need to worry other people opinion. it's terrible to worry about other people thinking. it's so tiresome. but i can't help it. maybe i am so different from the rest of the people, or maybe just the same. i don't know but i agree that hell it other people. it's funny. even they do nothing, we are afraid of what they think about us. i want to leave everything on my table. it's up to others to judge me. yes i am afraid to let go all the burdens, they are too personal for me, they almost represent me in all situation. and most of time, i mistakenly identify myself with all those burdens. i can  live freely if i can let go my problems. if i can put it on my table for a moment and watch it there apart from myself. everyone seems have very clear idea about what should other people do, but no idea about what should they do themselves. that's why we are so afraid of other people opinion about us. then people say we are exist to help others, then what other people exist for? everyone want to be free but actually no one can be free without conscience, if one can do everything but she/he is not conscious, there is no value in it. to be conscious is to think about our existence. i have studied a lot about this but i don't know why i still afraid of other people opinion.